I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
