I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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