I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
