Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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