tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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