Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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