I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
