Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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