i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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