Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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