He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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