So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
