My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The Olympian is in my bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
