Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer