If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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