I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk