Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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