everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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