; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
