I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
