peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
