I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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