i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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