there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will pee on everything he values.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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