Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Someone signed my nipple.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
