you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
