Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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