Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
