goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
