We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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