Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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