sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That accounts for only three of the penises
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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