What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
