you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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