If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
