he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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