i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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