apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
