I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
