"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
