If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
