I should be sponsored by Trojan
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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