We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i out mim tonsoeep
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