I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize