we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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