I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
