dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
