Will you blow on my dice?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
