Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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