So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
