Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We are all done wearing pants today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
