Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
