It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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