Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
