I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
two words: eviction party
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
