you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
