where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
