Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
