What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
