I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
