he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Two words: blizzard sex
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
