Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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