what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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