goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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