Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
