Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
