I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
