Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
